| Its Been So Long... |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|05:05 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  content | ] |
Been over two months since I posted on here... or the other one even.
So update time! =D
8/07 we moved out of Summer Trace Apartment without having to pay a dime, since the guy who signed our list of why we were moving out didn't read it all the way before signing it.. at the last thing stated we weren't paying anything upon moving. It was sweet. The same day we brought that to the office to get signed and get a copy of we went to Reese Road Apartments (where I lived back in '07 with an ex friend). Greg and I both are put on this lease as I have a job now. (Yay!) I just have to pay my half of the 1163 that ex-friend and I owe to Reese Road, the new land lord is letting me pay 50 dollars a month. She wants the number to the ex friend to call her to get her to make payment arrangements or prosecute her for her half. I have her number, however its in my sprint phone I no longer use and it's also in my old cingular phone and amp'd mobile. Couldn't find the charger for them to get it.. but once I do I will give it to her. Mine and Greg's Sprint phones got turned off so his parents went and got us crickets as gifts. I have to admit I like them much better. Everything is unlimited and its 50 dollars a month. I like it very much, just hate the crappy phone.
9/01 - Greg and I reached and have gone way past the one year mark of being together.
In September, near the end, we had a so called "friend" move in with us to help him out. I got him a job at McDonalds and he quit after three weeks. Wouldn't go find a new job. Just wanted to sit home on the internet and play DDR (and other related games). So we just kicked him out after two and a half months of dealing with it. It was just stressing me out more then I needed to be. After a long and obnoxious fight season with him, he finally got the last of his things on Monday (10/19). I am just so happy and relieved that its over.
My mom has also got very sick recently so I've been in and out of the doctors offices with her. I had to take three weeks off work to help her and my dad out. We should be finding out what is going on soon (11/4).
Greg has got me into World of Warcraft. I am so hooked. lol. Chantel and I are also talking about because Brandon admitted to lying to her about me warning her with the whole boyfriend crap at the time. She was over it, so we are talking again. ^^ She's just had her son and she is engaged too. About time she find the right one! Now it's just Jodi's turn. =P
Well.. that's pretty much it. So c-ya! ;D |
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| Its Been A Long Time... |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|05:19 am] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  creative | ] |
I oraginally opened this journal for my writings for my english class, as we were given points and grades for keeping up a journal.
Well now this journal is kind of pointless, but I am starting to believe I like it better then LJ because its more along my personality line. =)
From now on.. I believe I will be posting in here instead of LJ.
Updated News:
-- I am going to be attending classes online for my ba in early childhood education.
-- I just got re-hired back at McDonalds where I worked years ago.
-- I am getting married July 1st of 2009 (duh!).
-- I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents and then we moved out on our own and got our own apartment which turned out to be a crap hole so we moved again to another apartment and I am back living at Reese Road Apartments with my boyfriend and our room mate Kuri (Chris).
-- We have two dogs, two cats, and a gerbil. Black lab mix puppy that is Gregs, a chow/retriever mix that is 3 years old that is my dog. Muffins and Link are the two cats and Thumper is the gerbil.
Thats pretty much the only updates XD
So I am going to try to get more sleep. ^-^ |
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| Cue Arrival Of Weekend! |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|09:48 am] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Contagious -- Avril Lavigne | ] |
So Kristina, one of my friends here in Memphis that I went to high school with is having me talk to the man named Greg. He lives here in Memphis too, not too far away. Well.. Kristina is playing matchmaker. He is a really nice guy and everything, he invited me out this weekend to hang out with him and his friends (some of his friends are my high school friends) so I said sure. ^-^
I think it's going to be fun. I can't wait to talk to him and get to know more about him. Don't get me wrong... I love Brandon. I always will. But I think if I dig a little deeper well I wait around for him, I won't go so insane, does that make sense?
Who knows.. maybe I might meet someone that is -better- then Brandon or that I fall harder for. (Probably not, but at least I am leaving that option open.)
I had my Human Relations mid-term last night. I didn't cheat, but I don't think I did wonderfully either. *sigh* I have my English mid-term tonight. I also have to type up my field/police report... but I am so lost!
I need to sketch the crime scene too e.e It's pretty small.. so I should be able to go ahead and do so on the computer like I have been doing.
My kitten is looking up at the hamster moving around in his cage and she is staring at him. ~.~
Well... that is pretty much it ^^ Back to my music! Hehe!
~Mav/Kiwi |
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| Strong Enough |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|04:49 am] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Strong Enough -- Sheryl Crow | ] |
God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave, leave, don't leave
I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
So try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?
My man......
Are you strong enough? (to be my man....)
Are you strong enough?
Are you strong enough? (my.....man)
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be man enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise, I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave |
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| Cinderella |
[Aug. 25th, 2007|12:35 am] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Cinderella -- The Cheetah Girls | ] |
Galleria :When I was just a little girl
My momma used to tuck me into bed
and she read me a story
Chanel: It always was about a Princess in distress
And how a guy would save her and end up with the glory
Dorinda: I'd lie in bed and think about the person that I want to be
Aqua: Then one day I realized the fairy tale life wasn't for me
[Chorus] All
I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sittin' in a dark cold dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like someone waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
Oh I will survive, unless somebody's by my side
Don't wanna be no no no one else
I'd rather rescue myself
Dorinda:
Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart, and mind
All: Who's not afraid to show that he loves me
Galleria: Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am
Don't need nobody taking care of me
Dorinda: I will be there for him just as strong as he will be there for me
Chanel: When I give myself then it has to got to be, an equal thing
[Chorus]
All:
I can slay, my own dragons
I can dream, my own dreams
My knight in shining armour is me
Chanel: So I'm gonna set me free
[Chorus x3] |
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| A Poem From A Friend |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|09:54 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | amused | ] |
She had always liked him
But never truly knew why
He never talked to her
His friends had made her cry
She smiled at him in the hall
He just turned his head
He did not care about her
Is what he always said
But she kept her chin up
And she loved him still
Because she knew what was inside
A hole that he could fill
His friends soon caught word
Of her feelings toward him
They found it hysterical
But her love did not dim
She knew that she was better
Than what they thought she was
But still her heart was his
For reasons she knew not of
She slowly became more forlorn
Slipping deep into a hole
He was still ignoring her
Breaking her delicate soul
But her love did not falter
She always thought of him
But all the rumors about her
Put her closer to the brim
On the final day
His friends played a trick
Told her that he loved her
Just to watch her tick
Sadly she believed them
And she was overjoyed
Little did she know
That it was all a ploy
She went up to him
To make sure that he knew
That she knew how he felt
And that she loved him too
He did not understand
So all he did was stare
Telling her repeatedly
That he really did not care
She was finally over the edge
She knew it could not be true
I thought they said he loved her
But deep inside she knew
She could not comprehend
How to go on living her life
So she went in to the kitchen
Pulled out the sharpest knife
She screamed into the air
This is not how it should be
She screamed all the things
That she wished that he would see
She spoke of her love
She cried of her pain
She whispered of what happened
How it could never be the same
And with her last strength
She scribbled her final note
She explained everything
And this is what she wrote:
Take the shining knife,
And cut open my wrists
Watch the blood flow out
It couldve ended with a kiss
Take the bloody knife
Write words into my skin
Tell me that you hate me
Make the pain begin
Take the knife and hold it up
So that everyone can see
That this is the pain
You were always causing me
She watched the blood pour out
Collapsing on the floor
Little did she know
That he was at the door
He did not get an answer
As he screamed her name
He told her he was sorry
What he said was really lame
He did not want to give up
He wanted her to know
That he really did like her
Just did not let it show
He did not care about his friends
They were not his anymore
So please, wont you please
Just open the damn door
He walked to the window
Saw her lying there
He pounded on the glass
Crying in despair
He broke through the glass
And knelt down on the floor
Looking at the girl
He had always adored
Desperately calling for help
She was still alive
He tried to bandage wounds
Please God let her survive
He held her so close
As the ambulance drew near
I really do love you
He whispered in her ear.
Please dont give up
I'll try to help you through
We will make it work
You know I love you too. |
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| Will You Be Around |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|05:13 am] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Whine Up -- Kat DeLuna | ] |
and it feels like I'd been dyin here
underneath these sheets,
its a cold cold world when who you are
is always half asleep,
you have woken up the lover now
the other wants to leave,
so if I believe
then tell me please
chor:
when the rain comes tumblin
tumblin down
will ya be around will ya be around
and when the pain starts comin
comin out will ya be around will ya be around
and when I cant find comfort in being found
and I'm on the ground and I'm on the ground will ya be around will ya be around will ya be around
will ya be around
oh, the clouds may cover up the day but on a stary night,
will you be here breathing in my melancholy of a hide,
you have proved that there is more to everything I have In life,
ooh and I pray you're right
ooh and I pray you're right,
chor:
when the rain comes tumblin
tumblin down
will ya be around will ya be around
and when the pain starts comin
comin out will ya be around will ya be around
and when I cant find comfort in being found
and I'm on the ground and I'm on the ground will ya be around will ya be around will ya be around
will you be
will you be around
chor:
when the rain comes tumblin
tumblin down
will ya be around will ya be around
and when the pain starts comin
comin out will ya be around will ya be around
and when I cant find comfort in being found
and I'm on the ground and I'm on the ground will ya be around will ya be around will ya be around
will ya be around
will ya be around
will ya be around
when the rain comes tumblin down
rain starts coming down
will you be
will you be around |
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| Something To Talk About...? |
[Aug. 16th, 2007|02:37 am] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Accidently In Love -- Counting Crows | ] |
So after being able to post nothing but lyrics and quizzes for the past few days.. I finally have something, okay... strike that out... A LOT to get off my chest...
1. I am so sick of being called a fat ass, a fat bitch, a fat whore, a fat slut... fat ugly... whatever... through whatever you want it front of it...because...:
a. I already have low self esteem.. so lets just make it LOWER (if even possible to get it any lower then it already is) shall we?
b. It's coming from people I trust. Epically someone who is suppose to be my "prince charming" until I can really find my man. (Dad..).
c. Every time I hear it... I can hear my heart break even MORE then it is. Then I really feel ugly and fat and worthless...
2. I am feeling really emotionally drained right now... I hate it... I hate feeling this vulnerable and not knowing what to do about it...
3. I feel so alone and empty... I just wish I had a room to lock myself in right now. Or somewhere I could be alone, away from prying eyes. I just want to cry. I want to cry until I pass out. Until it hurts to breathe, until my eyes are raw. Until I feel the pain and all the emptiness and things subside or go away.
4. I don't know what is going on with Brandon... I've never wanted to be with anyone so much in my life... I've never loved someone so much in my life... I have so many answers and have not got very many answers... I watch like a child in the toy store.. waiting for that doll she's heard of for months to hit the self so she can be the first one to purchase one. I am constantly checking Runescape through out the day. I need to talk to him. I need to hear his voice. I need to know what is going on. I need to know when, if ever, I will have another chance with him. I need a lot of things answers, a lot of things that are killing me. I think this is the major problem. It's not hormones or pregnancy mood swings. Its my heart being crushed by a man I love so much I would give my own life for him. Why such commitment? I don't know how to put it other then.. he saved me from who I was. He saved me from destroying myself. I've need to and wanted to talk to him all day.. and yet still.. no sign. I am beginning to wonder if he even cares. He knows what he means to me, I've told him. I've waited this long to get him back. I can wait a while longer... can't I?
5. Every bone and muscle in my body seems to ache right now. It aches so bad I can't even think straight. I was cooking dinner earlier and I had this sharp pain go through the bone in my left lower leg. I almost fell to the ground in tears.
6. My dad is showing all the signs that his death is near. (For those of you who don't know... he has cancer of the liver... he's been dealing with it since 2001 if I remember...). Even though my relationship hasn't been great with him.. even though we fight.. A LOT.. and I mean... A LOT.. it still makes it hard to breathe to continue to think he is here today... but will he be here tomorrow? I let my bitterness towards him not show my true feelings when anyone is awake. Everyone in my house is asleep right now, but myself. Instead... I am sitting here typing this, listening to music and letting the tears brim my eyes.
7. I've lost so many people over the course of a 8 months... that it's no wonder I feel alone. I lost many people because of my cutting habits. I sort of lost Brandon that way as well...I lost one of the most important people in my life because of it. His name was Kris, we meet online, but who doesn't find friends online these days? We were friends for 5 years.. maybe a little more. I had a crush on him and when it wore off, he slowly became more like a brother. We got to a point where we even called each other bro and sis. I had a petname of Broish for him. I even got to call him Krispuff. ^^ All he ever wanted to do was help me and see my happy. I repeated all my mistakes, I pushed him away, I lied to him, I hurt him. He ended our relationship/friendship back in July of last year. To this day.. it still hurts to not talk to him when I see his name show up online. No matter how much I say I am sorry... it will NEVER be enough. I lost Ami, Chantel, Jodi, and Becky all in a matter of three months. Chantel was first. Then Jodi, then Ami, then Becky. I may have lost Kristina too, if not almost. I've lost Skip as well. I use to have over 70 people on my AIM list.. now I have... 18. One of them being Kris... It's a wonder I even want to function anymore. |
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| Shiver |
[Aug. 14th, 2007|01:57 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Couch | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Dead To The World -- Nightwish | ] |
Shiver
Standing and shivering,
As the breeze plays across,
Very pale skin,
Blowing around long,
Lightly colored hair,
Staring at the moon,
Pray for its guidance,
Praying it finds him,
Praying it finds her,
To draw them together,
Once again,
The perfect portrait,
Of yesterdays generation,
Surviving,
Closing her eyes,
She bows her head,
Waiting for the ravens call,
She knows it won't be long,
Until he's back in her arms.
*~* Mavier Trask *~* |
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| Forever Yours |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|08:19 pm] |
Fare thee well, little broken heart
Downcast eyes, lifetime loneliness
Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone
Constant longing for the perfect soul
Unwashed scenery forever gone
Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone
No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours
Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone
No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours
No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours
Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone
Whatever walks in my heart |
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| Lay Me Down To Sleep |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|05:30 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Hellz0rs | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Nothing | ] |
Dedicated to Brandon Reznor
Lay Me Down To Sleep
I lay my head down,
Wishing to sleep,
Instead the tears come,
Reaping my soul of peace,
Angel of the fallen,
Sits at my shoulder,
Making the emotions,
Weight down on me,
Like boulders,
Sweet Angel of mine,
Where have you gone?
I am being crushed,
By thine enemy,
Oh Angel of mine,
Lay me down to sleep,
Stop the weighing emotions,
Stop the tears from gushing,
Love me tenderly,
And put me to rest,
Peaceful slumber are mine,
With you by my side.
*~* Mavier Trask *~* |
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| I Am Sorry |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|05:12 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Couchers | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Move It Like This -- Baha Men | ] |
I am sorry I was born.
I am sorry I exist.
I am sorry I am not perfect.
I am sorry I am selfish.
I am sorry I am self-centered.
I am sorry I try to hard.
I am sorry I always fail.
To people:
Brandon – I am sorry I wasn’t the best girl friend. I should have been better. I took things for granted. I pushed you away. I broke promises. In the end I did the one thing I intended not to…I hurt you… AGAIN. I am so sorry.
Amelia – I am sorry I couldn’t help you. I am sorry things turned out the way they did. I am sorry you misjudged what I said about our debt. I wish things could have been done differently, but it’s too late now. I am sorry.
Jodi – I am sorry I took the friendship we had for granted. I pushed you too far, I pushed too many buttons. I did the worst thing I could to break your trust. I am sorry.
Amy (Dio) – When we were in grade school and you made me mad in gym class. I am sorry I bit you. I am also sorry about that letter or whatever it was that I sent you being really bitchy about not inviting me to your birthday party. I am sorry.
Heather – I am sorry for whatever I did when we were best friends to make it fall apart. I wish we could go back and make things right. I am sorry.
Kristina – I am sorry I bite your head off earlier and what I said. But it pissed me off that you went behind my back. Carry on with the plan and thank you.
Chantel – I am sorry you thought I wanted to sleep with Jeff. But I didn’t. Ew… I am sorry you thought I was a bitch and that I was lying to you. I may have lied in the past, but that is one thing I wasn’t lying about. I am sorry you didn’t believe me and I am sorry things are how they are.
Sam – I am sorry I tried to commit suicide and then broke up with you. I am sorry.. but I am not. Does that make sense? I couldn’t be with you. I needed to be with Brandon, for hurting you and how it happened. I am sorry. But I am not sorry for being with him.
Kris – Again.. I took someone for granted and pushed buttons. You only wanted to help me and I pushed you away. I am sorry.
((Anyone seeing a pattern here….???))
Jennifer Cole (Now G.) – Sorry I get jealous when we were younger and that it ruined our friendship and that your mom kept us away from each other. But I am glad we are back in contact now.
Cassie C. – Even though you aren’t on my friends list any longer. I am sorry we were such enemies in grade school. Now I see how much of a wonderful person you are and I am sorry I missed out on it.
Sebastian – Wherever you may be… I am so so so so so so sorry we lost contact ~.~ I miss you like crazy! You were one of my best friends in grade school.
My parents – I am sorry for being the worst daughter this world has ever seen… I tried…. And I failed…. Sorry….
Lynette – We never really clicked well… we both had crushes on the same guy… and in the end.. because I had him.. you hated that. I am sorry. I should have backed off I guess.
…. I am sure I can think of more people later on… But right now.. this is all I can think about… I will add more if there is… </3 |
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| Full Of Thoughts |
[Aug. 11th, 2007|06:31 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Living Room | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Karma -- Alicia Keys | ] |
I don't know if its the heat, the fact I am almost in a puddle of my own sweat (even with fans and an AC.. when it is on!), the emotional state that Deathly Hallows has placed me in.. or the lonliness that seems to ache inside me whenever I talk to him. Either way... I am in a right state where my mind is zooming with thoughts. Those good and bad.
As he usually made me do.. I will start at the beginning...
All through childhood I've been poked, prodded, and made fun of. I normally kept in the corner, kept things to myself. I figured if I didn't talk they wouldn't have a reason to hurt me. There we friends I had, few, but they were friend.. or where they? Looking back through all the "friends" I have had.. very few remain in contact with me today. I have more of my enemies that contact me these days, years and years away from grade school.. then those few I considered friends. I believe that is why, to this day, I fear rejection and abandonment. I hate the feeling of loneliness and despair... But so does just everyone else I believe. No one likes to dwell into it. Everyone can say the people I've lost over the years weren't really friends and etc. As true as it may or may not be, friend or foe, they all took a part of me with them. A part of my soul. I wonder why my soul never feels complete. Why I never feel complete, unless I am with him. When you get down to it. We really have to wonder who is our friend and who isn't. It brings up other things I remember. One of them is people always asking what is the meaning of life or something along those lines. Life is simply what we make it, how we make it. We live our life the ways we see fit. It can be good or it can be bad. But in the end, we each answer that question. It's going to be different from everyone's else. So there isn't a universal answer. No 42 or anything like that is the answer. As much as we search and look for an answer, we will never find one answer to that single question. In the end, its up to us to decide what answer we want it to be, one that we can be happy with, one we can die leaving with those we leave behind, knowing it will benefit them and they may or may not take it. We make our own decisions, we are responsible for our own thoughts and our own actions, so why do people blame what they do on others? As we grow up, we need to mature, we need to stand up and take the responsibility for our actions. Rather the reward in the end is good or bad. Then.. why do people lie to everyone? Instead of lying, even if the truth hurts.. maybe its time to be brutally honest? Sometimes the lies will cause way more damage then the truth ever could. His lies have caused more pain and problems for me then his truth has or ever could. Why will you say you will be there for someone and then in the end you aren't?
I may be complaining or whatever. But I just have a lot on my plate right now and I feel about ready to burst. I feel like I am burden on my parents, staying here, trying to go to school and make something out of myself. Not able to get a job to help them. My dad has just come out of retirement a few days ago to return to work to get us out of financial state. Even if it isn't, I find it as my fault. I let myself get used by Ami. I allowed myself to place back with my parents to be a burden to them. Then.. my unborn child. They don't know about. That I can't tell them about. I feel like such a slut for what happened. For being pregnant. For even being in the state. I failed. I failed myself and I failed others. I haven't lived my life the best way. I know the meaning of my life is "Live and learn hard." I learned, the hard ways, and I am still learning. I know I fuck my own life up. I know I am the drama queen of my family. All the bad things and the drama finds me. Who knows why. I may never figure it out. I just want to run away. From everyone, from everything, from my fears and my problems. Running was always so much easier. So why am I facing them head on? I don't understand a thing going through my head right now. I don't understand what I should do or what I should think. This is just.... all too much to keep inside and to continue to rack my brain. It's going to be the death of me.. I swear.
He is going to be the death of my and this baby... |
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| My "Mug Shot"..(Kinda) |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|08:06 pm] |
So this is what we had to do in law class today on the computer..was to go ahead and draw up a picture of ourselves on the computer. So... that's what I did...
And then here is a photo of me as recent as possible:
 |
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| Without You |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|02:55 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Couchers | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Nada! | ] |
Miles Away
There's hopeless smiles brighter than mine
And I need for you to come and go
Without the truth falling out.
Old incisions refusing to stay
Like sun through the trees on a cloudy day
You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I've waited for you so I'll keep holding on
Without You(2X)
Telephone
Socially scared and impaired
If the trees will bloom the wind can blow
Without the fruit falling out
Old incisions refusing to stay
Like sun through the trees on a cloudy day
You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I've waited for you so I'll keep holding on
Without You(2X)
Feels like the wind blows
Holding you with us
She takes no other
False light and ashes
Blooming like winter
You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I've waited for you so I'll keep holding on
Without You(3x) |
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| Who Knew |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|02:09 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Inside My Head... | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Who Knew -- Pink | ] |
Pink - Who Knew Lyrics
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew |
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| For Amelia & Brandon |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|12:50 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Golden Girls -- Lifetime | ] |
MyHotComments
MyHotComments |
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| Things You Should Know |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|12:20 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Herbal Essence Commercial | ] |
I complain too much.
I make mistakes. I am not perfect.
I don't try to blame things on others, but at times, I can if I am scared of the outcome and what the person(s) response may be.
I don't use people, so don't use me.
I am scared to live my life.
I am afraid of always being hurt.
I trust too little and let people in even less.
You have to work to gain my friendship.
Don't judge me. I am not anyone but myself.
Don't rub my past in my face. Don't dwell on my past. It only makes you look dumb.
I will help you if you want it, but if you hurt me in the end.. whatever we have will be over.
I don't agree with everyone. I have my own thoughts, options, fears, goals, ambitions, and opinions.
Don't control me. I control myself.
I do not kiss anyones ass. So don't think I will kiss yours.
I can get pay back if I feel like it. It's not problem if you don't like the outcome.
I am fucking up my life, but I don't care. I know I am real and no one can change that.
You can talk behind my back, but you know what? You are just making me famous.
All I want is for one guy to prove to me that they aren't all the same.
I fall for the wrong boys.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me during my best.
Got a problem with me? Solve it! Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoe. Can't stand me? Sit down! Can't face me? Turn around!
A wise girl knows her limits. But a great girl knows she has none.
I am a reminder of what you can't have and what you aren't.
I understand girls talk behind my back because I am real and that is something they lack.
I enjoy being PERFECTLY UNPERFECT. |
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| I Are A Goddess. You Are Slave. :3 |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|11:47 am] |
| [ | Where I Am |
| | :3 | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | What I Hear |
| | Karma -- Alicia Keys | ] |
Title: Alicia Keys - Karma lyrics
Artist: Alicia Keys
Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.
Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything
You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
And when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse.
And explainin to me, like I'm just some kinda fool
I sacrifice the things I want to and do things for you
But when it's time to do for me, you never come through
Now you, wanna be a bond of me (eyyy)
Now you, have so much to say to me (heyy)
Now you, wanna make time for me
What you do to me.
You confusin me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
Night after night
Knowin sumthing goin on
Wasn't home befo me
You was,you was gone
Lord knows it wasn't easy, but believe me.
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceived me.
And never do wha u was supposed to do
No need to hose me fool, cause I'm ova you
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Gotta stop tryin, to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
It's called Karma baby.
And it goes around.
What goes around, comes around,
What goes up, must comes down,
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me. |
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| Dear Anyone(s) |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|08:06 pm] |
Dear Anyone,
Can you hear my screams? Hear my painful tears? Can you hear anything at all? I whisper your name and pray you will come. I need you to catch me as I fall. My heart is running on empty and my emotions have all burned out. Detached from the world, I slowly fade away. Away from you and the others. I gave my heart and soul to live, yet I earn to die. I wish to fade far away. Please catch me from the fall. I don't want despair to control me at all. Crying alone in the dark. I try so hard not to scream your name. Air fills my lungs to go ahead and yell. But I stay silent and whimper is all. Feeling emotionally drained, has never felt this lame. I yearn for something. What it is I can't tell. But if I someday go missing. Just remember I tried to move forward but got dragged down into hell.
Love Always,
Mav
Dear Anyone,
I continue to feel detached. Like I am standing still in the pouring rain. Frozen to the ground as lightening strike around. I act like I want to live, but inside I want to die. Barely breathing life anymore. I feel like I consume poison as it rushes through my veins. Constricting my heart, I feel the snake squeeze tighter. Shutting down completely seems the only way I can survive. The only way I won't fully die. I can smile and I can dance, but even that's beginning to be rare. I feel like I've been dropped from a very high place. I came crashing down and landed on my face. Smashed to pieces on the ground, I wither in disgrace. A fading flower without sun. A gloomy expression upon my face. Metaphors used to hide how I use to act. Broken smile and broken wings, I believe I'm about to cave in. A halo never existing. Even though I've been called an angel, they were sadly mistaken. I've also been called a demon, I'm beginning to think it's true. Called ugly when I already know. Pure beauty for me never existing. Betrayed by all, I begin to fall. Down and down I go. He left me broken, ashamed, and alone. He was suppose to protect me but instead he wounded me. Promises never kept seem like flames licking my heart. It's literally torn all apart. Thin thread to hold it together. I don't think it can stand another break. Crying for his embrace,knowing it's never coming. Abandoned. Solitude. Solitude the only thing never hurting me. A lone wolf, I wander from the pack. The pack that turned on me when I was down. Biting and clawing at my flesh, trying to deteriorate me. Snarling in pleasure, as they tear me from limb to limb. My 'friends' have torn me. They tore my heart in half, and could careless. I get accused like a criminal who committed murder. I have no say, not a chance to enter a plea. My fate, my punishment has been decided. Forced to serve the time for nothing done wrong. Solitude. Abandonment. This is truly bliss.
Truly Yours,
Mav |
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